Twelve years ago, I left a 3,000 sq ft home and moved into a 1,300 sq ft historic beach cottage just blocks from the ocean. It was beautiful—charming, peaceful, and the kind of place that forces you to edit your life. Downsizing meant letting go of a lot—including many of my books. I spent some time sorting through them. That’s when I noticed something strange: four identical copies of The Four Agreements—all gifts from my mom, each one lovingly inscribed. Apparently, she was trying to tell me something. Repeatedly.
If you’ve never read it, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is based on ancient Toltec wisdom. The idea is this: over time, we make thousands of “agreements” with ourselves, other people, and society—beliefs about who we are, what we can or can’t do, what we deserve, and what we must accept. Many of those beliefs were built on fear, not truth. Ruiz offers four powerful replacements:
- Be impeccable with your word
- Don’t take anything personally
- Don’t make assumptions
- Always do your best
The second agreement—Don’t take anything personally—has always been the toughest for me. And if we’re being honest, it’s probably the hardest for anyone in real estate. This is a demanding business, and we take a lot of pride in what we do. We pour our energy and heart into helping people navigate big life decisions. But emotions run high. Clients panic. Deals fall apart. The agent on the other side can be difficult. People say things in the heat of stress that can sting. If we internalize it, it chips away at our confidence, joy, and purpose. But here’s the truth: it’s almost never about us.
If you’ve walked into my office, you’ve probably seen that book sitting on my desk. It’s not for show. It’s a daily reminder—to separate who I am from how others behave. That mindset has saved me more times than I can count. It’s helped me stay grounded, and keep moving forward even when things felt personal or unfair. That’s the power of a better agreement.
If today’s been a tough one—or if you’ve been questioning yourself based on someone else’s bad day—maybe this message was exactly what you needed. And maybe, just maybe, my mom knew all along that I’d need to read that book not once… but four times.